05 - my monsters in my head

This is the place were I share the deepest darkest secrests of my life.. I plan to also use this space for rambling my thoughts without the convenience of "edits"... So this really should be interesting..This bit is tough...

I was someone who never planned life till I was 22 years old. Suddenly I met my wife Swaty, courted her for 4 years and then got married when I was 26. Suddenly at 28 I became a father for the first time (Iteeva) and then Antara came two years later. Through these years, I was trying to settle into the rigours of married life, learning to adjust to a child in the family and concentrating on my professional career. I was busy chasing my personal and professional dreams.

Some where in between I learnt to be an unhappy man.

• At 31, I want to be fit and healthy for the rest of my life
• At 31, I love my children mre than anything in life and want to see them grow old
• At 31, I want to be there for my children every single time they need me
• At 31, I want to ensure a future for my family.
• At 31, I want to have an identity for my self that I believe in
• At 31, I want to have true friends for life
• At 31, I am afraid of growing old
• At 31, I am afraid that I have to grow up finally
• At 31, I am trying to rediscover happiness
• At 31, I want to be a true son to my parents
• At 31, I want to be a brother to my sisters
• At 31, I am trying to be happy with what I have
• At 31, I want to be at peace with myself
• At 31, I want to know who I am and what I stand for
• At 31, I want to smile all the time and not worry about the crap that life deals me. (And believe me, I have a lot lot less than most other people)
• At 31, I want to be Mayank again

As the Stone Temple Pilots said in their song - "Creep" (album - Core)

I'm half the man I used to be, This I feel at the break of dawn

Feelin' uninspired, Think I'll start a fire
Everybody run, Bobby's got a gun
Think you're kinda neat, then she tells me I'm a creep
Friends don't mean a thing,
Guess I'll leave it up to me......